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Lainie Frisch
Lainie Frisch is one of Beverly's twin daughters. Her sister is Rachelle Frisch. In Episode 1: Julie Klausner, Ronna and Beverly discuss Lainie. Lainie lives in Israel and is conservadox ("Whatever that means," Beverly says). She's not attractive and has put on a lot of weight. Beverly describes that if you squint looking at Lainie, she looks like Bonnie Bedelia from years ago. Then Beverly clarifies: If Bonnie Bedelia ate Joy Behar, and you squinted at her, that's Lainie. In Episode 2: Paul F. Tompkins, Beverly reports that Lainie is coming home this summer because of the Arab Spring. She's nervous. Beverly's terrified too and told Lainie to come home but don't stay in her place. Lainie only heard "come home." In Episode 3: Justin Kirk, Beverly talks about some drama with Lainie and Rachelle. Beverly's master bath was being cleaned Her master bath was being cleaned so she went to the girls' bathroom (shared by Lainie and Rachelle.) The bathroom was a pigsty. While Beverly was sitting there, she spies a pregnancy test in the trash, and it's positive. She runs outside, where Rachelle is lying out on a towel with baby oil all over her. Beverly tries grabbing her, but her hand slips. She tells Rachelle to get in her Toyota Camry right now, they're going to Planned Parenthood. She tells Rachelle "We're not doing this again." (Rachelle has had an abortion before.) Rachelle is screaming and crying in the car, saying it's not hers. At this point in Beverly's story, Ronna expresses great skepticism that it could be Lainie's. Beverly agrees and points out Lainie is religious. However, Rachelle is hysterical. They go into Planned Parenthood, and they're told that Rachelle isn't pregnant. So Beverly tells her daughter that they'll go home and talk to Rachelle's sister. They get home and sit at the kitchen table and wait for Lainie to come home. Beverly expresses that despite Rachelle trying to persuade her mother that it's Lainie's pregnancy test, Beverly believe it's a more likely story that a pregnant ghost went in there and took a ghost pregnancy test and got a ghost positive. That's more likely than her fat daughter finding a man who would do that to her. In addition to her size, she's not a good conversationalist. Beverly says she was very irate. She had a plan for the afternoon that she had to cancel (go to tennis with Phyllis). Rachelle wants to watch TV, but Beverly makes her sit there and wait. Lainie comes home, and Beverly says, "Your sister believes you're carrying a baby." Lainie starts crying. Beverly explains that Lainie said she wanted to know what it felt like to take a pregnancy test. She scared herself into a false positive. Either that or nail polish remover on a cotton ball in the trash can leaked over and made it positive. When Ronna expresses astonishment, Beverly explains that Lainie is very lonely and this made her feel closer to being in a relationship. Ronna calls it psychotic. Beverly says she took her daughters to Baskin Robbins and said bygones, let's have a do-over of summer. In Episode 4: Paul Feig, when Lainie comes up in the conversation, Paul Feig asks Beverly whether she wants Lainie to be in a bikini (she had suggested earlier that Paul Feig could cast Rachelle in a bikini scene. Beverly replies that Lainie is so unattractive right now. She's really at her worst. Beverly describes it as heartbreaking for a woman like her who's looking at her daughters and wishing them to be beautiful. She has so few wishes in life. Ronna asks what are the others. She replies that she would like to go on a romantic vacation to Euro Disney. And she would like to be not just in the audience but called up on stage on The Price is Right and win both showcases, with Bob Barker as the host. When they point out that he isn't the host any longer and Drew Carey is, Beverly says it was an old wish. She hasn't thought about her wishes in a long time. She's been focused on other people. She gives a lot of her soul and her life to other people. She decides her wish is to never get breast cancer. Ronna and Beverly engage in a brief discussion about whether the wish for her daughters to be beautiful is a wish for her or for them. Beverly says she wishes for them that they be beautiful for her. In Episode 5: Nick Kroll, in a conversation about Jordan's and Rachelle's prom experiences, Beverly reveals that Lainie didn't go to prom. Lainie sat in the basement and cried. Nick says "aww" and then comments that it doesn't seem like Beverly has a ton of sympathy for Lainie. Beverly says she used to, but at some point, you have to stop. Stop eating. Just stop. When Nick asks whether Ronna and Beverly ever tried setting up Jordan and Lainie, Beverly says never in a million years. Ronna says Jordan is very aesthetic. He's very concerned with aesthetics. Lainie is not. Beverly says that Lainie looks like a pile of laundry walking around. Beverly confesses that Lainie does have a crush on Jordan. She always has. (Ronna is resistant to discuss it. It's not fair to Lainie and not fair to Jordan, because it puts a burden on him). Laine was really was in love with Jordan from as soon as when she knew what a boy was, Beverly explains. They used to play naked in the dirt and take a bath together. Ronna says that he was a very kind child. Beverly tells Ronna she doesn't understand girls. In Episode 6: Jen Kirkman, Beverly mentions that she once walked in on Lainie changing her pad. It was the size of a mattress, like an army cot, Beverly describes. Lainie took one army cot, drenched, out of her pants and tried to wrap it up in toilet paper, but she ran out of paper. So it was like a giant roll. Like a haystack from a Monet painting. Beverly told her to take it outside and put it in the garbage bin, she didn't want that in her bathroom. At that point, they were out of giant pads. So Lainie took an unused roll of Bounty paper towels and shoved it in her pants. Ronna responds to this story with a question, "Has anyone told you you're a horrible mother?" In Episode 7: Andy Richter, Beverly says that Lainie is soon going back to Israel. She's going at the end of the month. She wants to do some sort of Torah study kibbutz something yeshiva program of some kind. She's got friends over there so Beverly can't keep her forever. Ronna asks whether Beverly would keep Lainie if she could. No, Beverly answers, Lainie wouldn't be her first choice. When Ronna is surprised that Beverly is so open about her preferences, Beverly says she doesn't sugarcoat. Her family all knows where they stand with each other. Everyone knows their place. She has an honesty policy. [Will fill with more information about her various exploits and adventures, including the incident in the mikvah. This is just placeholder for now.] Frisch, Lainie